It doesn’t always pay to know everything. If people are avoiding the question, it’s because they know the answer might bother you.
At that point, a subtle exchange takes place, unspoke but known.
Felt.
The need to press on and ask, to hear it from the horses mouth, is really just an exercise in masochism. Is the pain worth it?
Maybe not.
Sometimes you don’t realize what kind of affect you have on another person until you take time to consider the feedback.
How often do we really take the time to scrutinize the effect we have on other people?
Feedback comes in all guises.
You say things that may have a tremendous effect on someone; you may not know it at the time, but the seed was planted and people never really forget…
This is how powerful words can be.
What you thought was a harmless idea turned out to be huge. This blindsightedness (legit word?) happened to me because i guess i was too focused on the ‘result’ and forgot about the ‘process’; I was destined for a hollow victory, if there even was one. And i’m glad i’m learning this lesson now, while I still have time.
If people are your priority, you have to work just as hard to prove it.
Things pass you buy if you don’t make time for process.
Sometimes after all the frantic thoughts, doubts, and fears, you’re granted a moment of clarity.
Truth reveals itself and you realize that not all bad news need to be braced against. When unfortunate news is riding on the wings of truth, its not that frightening.
Your job is to just accept it for what it is, the truth.
Chattering speculation of the mind falls silent in one fell swoop, time to move on.
A subtle point in Watson & Tharp’s (2007) Self-Directed Behavior is that not only is it ‘perfectly’ normal to plan ahead on how you will react to a situation – even if this means choosing events so that the ’situation’ does not arise in the first place – it is the essense of self-regulation.
This planning ahead, a pre-edit if you will of the situation, is actually a skill to be practiced and mastered.
Growing up is realizing that when you’re confused, it’s ok to not do anything (it’s not necessary to always be doing something).
Growing up is sensing when you have the desire to drop being angry and take the high road; it is the meta-cognitive realization of this state and seizing it – riding it. You could be angry all day (yet have to restraint to not act on it) and at the end of the day, as you wind down, you get an urge to just be nice (and you feel this – that this is true) and you take the cue.
David L. Watson & Roland G. Tharp write in their 9th edition, ‘Self-Directed Behavior’ that self-regulation is essentially situation specific; in some situations we successfully self-regulate, in other situations we’re not so successful. One point they make – and many social psychologist would agree – is that sometimes we attribute too much to people’s personal characteristics (‘that person lacks willpower’ etc) and we overlook the power of the situation.
It was interesting to see a more subtle point, when we pit individual willpower against the power of the situation, with the exception of a few rare individuals, the latter wins. What does this mean? To paraphrase the authors, unless we’re Ghandi, we should not count on ’staring temption in the face’ and expect to win.
Reading all this, I had a revelation. Perhaps one of the reasons I have had marginal success in getting to my goal setting and dream projects is because I put those at the ‘end’ of the day; maybe I need to reschedule them to the ‘beginning’ of my day when I have more energy.
Doing this would be acknowledging the power of the situation: “I am tired when I come home from the University”.
hmmmm….
Imagination happens to the idle mind. So when Napoleon Hill says to use your imagination, it’s worth it, definitely worth it to stop.
Stop.
and s l . o.w. .
..
. .
. . . .
d
. o
w..
n.
Seek not to make an impression, seek only to tell the truth.
Its going to take a lot of quiet time to ward off impression management; to silence the self-conscious critic.
I noticed that a lot of my cohorts in the program seemed to ‘come alive’ outside of the classroom. I was quite the opposite, i guess i was more comfortable in a learning environment. However, my friends enthusiasm soared when we were at bars, restaurants, and off campus.
Now, while it was apparent to me that I was very different, I now realize….I should have made more of an effort to meet my friends in their ‘comfort zone’.
Ironically, it is now clear to me that I would have had must more influence over my peers on even academic issues had i made more of an effort to get to know them better in a non-academic environment that they were comfortable with.
A wise businessman had remarked to me during my visit back home in Thailand that we should make every effort to really get to know the other side, even if it takes us out of our own comfort zone. We should give unrelentlessly and not expect anything back, just give first. This is all necessary to cultivate a relationship.
Everything is gelling together, Mel’s book, my own reflection, the words of wisdom imparted upon me, it’s all coming together.
